In Missouri

While walking in a bunch of California Red Woods, my friend Keeley looked at me and said," Some days it just feels good to be alive." On Tuesday night my friend Lindsey and I went to watch the Sporting Kansas City vs. New York Red Bull game. After the intense draw, fans were invited to sit on the field and watch team USA on the jumbotrons of Sporting Park. As I sat in the center of the field, I noticed that everyone in California (where the game was being played) was shivering. As I was explaining that the lack of humidity in CA allows for the evenings to be cooler, I felt the muggy humidity of Misouri, (well Kansas technically) and I thought it just feels good to be alive. As I wait for a new placement, I like to just take in the feeling of being. I don't know how much of the summer I will spend in Missouri, but I am enjoyinhg the feeling of just being here, for now anyway. I am looking forward to moving to a new place, the new challenges, and new people I will meet, but today I am just enjoying the humidity and the feeling of just living.

RESPECT

Recently I had the privelage of attending an awards assembly at the elementary school that my nephews attend. They both got awards for good attnedance, then the teachers gave out an award for the most respectful student in each class. Ethan got the award for his class, and Landen got the award for his class. I was so proud of them I almost cried. My nephews are so cool.

Do You Know What Is Awesome?

-reading children's literature
-reading literature written and marketed for young adults
-my sun tanned hands
-the paint job on my toenails
-watching Ethan playing with dinosaurs
-sliding down a huge slide at a park with Owen
-Listening to Landen sing "Everything is Awesome"
-Being asked to teach rec at VBS
-having time with friends
-thinking about the how many more friends I will have
-my bed & pillow
-walking home from the bus stop with my nephews
So do you know what is awesome?
EVERYTHING

Rain

Something I missed while I was in California was rain/thunder storms. Yesterday I was all set to go to a high school soccer game when a pop up shower popped up. It looked like the storm was going to cancel the game. Not literally, of course, but it did seem like the game would have to be postponed because of the storm. Then, the clouds cleared up and the rain stopped. The game still happened and it was awesome. We lost, but it was still fun to watch the girls play. Sometimes the rain does not cancel our plans, but it looks like they might. It reminds me of the inspirational quote I saw on a middle school wall, "obstacles are what you see when you lose sight of your goals."

God in the Large House

I have wanted to write something with that title since my days working at Mexico Cinema III. Anyway God is in the large house because that is what theatre the movie God's Not Dead was playing in yesterday when I went to see it. Having spent years working at the Cinema, I know that the credits are the most important part of the movie for multiple reasons. First, everyone who did something for the production of that movie has their name listed in the credits. Second, the credits give the theater crew time to quickly give the house a once over before the next show starts. This time I noticed that the credits dedicated the movie to campus ministries that went to court fighting for their right to express their faith. As both a participant in campus ministries and a leader in campus ministries, I was surprised by the number of campus ministries that were listed. I was instantly thankful that I had never had to defend my right to express my faith. That movie basically displays that missionaries are the smartest and happiest people on earth. And while everyone does not practice Christianity or even their faith expression same way, one thing I completely agree with is that God's NOT Dead.

Transition News

Transition News:  My placement site has asked that I be reassigned.  Not because they don’t like me, but because they consider this a mismatch between the internally focused person they want to fill this position and my gifts and skills not to mention my focus on the missionary program.  So I will be in Missouri for 8 weeks give or take 4.  In those weeks I will have an amazing time.  I don’t know how long I will be home, but I will make the most of it.  I am going to spend so much time with my nephews and other family members, I will go to high school girls’ soccer games, I will go to a Sporting KC game, I will visit my sister in West Plains, MO, I will hold Flint, and will watch Paw Patrol with my O-zone.   

However, I will miss my friends that I have made here.  One of my new friends asked me if I was angry that I had to leave. She asked if I was angry at the way things worked out.  I told her no, and at this time would like to quote Imagine Dragons song Every Night, which expresses my feelings, “If you can find a reason/ let me know/I won’t blame you/ I’ll just turn and go,” and that is what I am doing. 

About 10 months after having my femur nailed, the orthopedic surgeon said that I no longer had to come in for checkups, and that I could walk out of his office and forget that had ever happened. Of course I couldn’t forget.  I have always remembered about my femur, just like I will always remember my time living in California.

Something very important that I have learned comes from the wisdom of a friend, or maybe the inquisitiveness of that friend.  One evening she asked me, “Are you an introvert or an extravert?”  I choked back a laugh as I thought why would anybody ever even consider the possibility of me being an extravert.  

As she defended her question, I realized that she was right, I had never acted shy or introverted around the people who are now my closest friends in Davis.  I went out of my comfort zone, on to a learning edge, to make friends in Davis.  Usually I am brutally shy, but I think that being open right from the get go is a way to build community. 

I have learned that it is important to not be shy.  I am not seeking approval from any one.  It is ok to be an introvert, and ultimately I am, but like most things, I need to claim my United Methodist-ness and be a person of the extreme middle.  I am shy and introverted but I should lean towards extroversion and not being so shy, because I can’t build community when I am not involved myself. 

Grow

I am a US-2 missionary for the United Methodist Church. I do not take my position lightly, neither do the other people who have that title, or who have had the title of being a US-2 missionary.  One of the values of our program is growth.  I looked back at my time so far in California and I have noticed that I have grown.  I am not at all the person who went to interview, training or showed up in California.      

What I see as my biggest area of growth is social holiness.  As I have mentioned before, I always thought that social holiness should take a backseat to personal piety. Now that I understand true social holiness, I see that the two have to balance each other out. 

I have noticed that in this geographical region there are few mega churches, few churches built to support the thousands of Sunday morning worshippers. With church attendance dwindling, these Californians have really figured this ecumenical thing out. 

I was reading a bunch of vital stats from last year in Missouri.  One question asked how many young adults were involved in a group that was for the purpose of intentional faith development.  My local United Methodist Church answered 1.  That 1 was me.  In California I might still be the one United Methodist between the ages of 20 and 30 involved in intentional faith development, but with the ecumenical values I know the handful of Lutherans, the Episcopalians, and Presbyterians, who are also in my shoes.  Hearing about the lives and calls of people who are older than me is infinitely valuable, but living the discernment and journey with others who have calls and are my age is just awesome on a whole new level.      

I have also grown in personal holiness.  When I first came to my placement site, I was not really sure where God was.  I knew Jesus was with me, and already here, but my welcome to this place was not what I had thought it would be.   

I guess I was sort of waiting for someone to quote that song by Phillip Phillips, you know, “Just know you’re not alone, we are going to make this place your home.”  No one ever said that to me.  Even though I couldn’t see it then, I know now that God was right here with me the time.  

Everyday I Go Out of My Way to Make Sure My Hair Looks Messed Up

“I will NOT where a wig.”  My adamant voice informed my father on the night I was diagnosed with a brain tumor.   My loving sisters even offered to shave their heads in solidarity with me.  Turns out I only had to shave half of my head, and did not need to receive chemo. 

A few years later while walking alone on the campus of Truman State University, I realized the privilege that I had.  I was so lucky to have had a benign tumor, to live in a place with a world class neurosurgeon nearby, and to have insurance to cover the surgery required.  The privilege did not stop there, I was continuing my education at a University, drove a car I had bought with money I had earned, and could cut my hair any time anyway that I wanted.

That night, I brought myself to tears with my own thoughts.  First, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of humility at how I had been granted a miracle, and how I had been in the less than 10%, the people who survived the risky surgery and made a complete recovery. Second, I knew that there were children who didn’t have my privilege, children facing chemo with no insurance, no access to doctors, and no hair.  I decided that at least once in my life, I would grow my hair out so long that I could donate it to a child who has none. 

 Donating my hair was a piece of my entire life goal.  I want to be remembered as a caring Christian, someone who left all of her gifts on the table to help those in need.  Growing my hair to an acceptable donating length was a process that started in October 2012.  That was the month that I was told I could not finish OT school.  The end of 2012 was a dark time in my life, I had my family but beyond them, I had very little in my future.  In March of 2013, I interviewed to be a US-2 missionary.  Today I am a US-2 missionary, I have a potential future in seminary and ordination, I have so much privilege still, and I plan to use my privilege to help those who don’t have privilege, and need some help. 

It is so important for me to remember that even when I had nothing in my life, I still had something, something of value that I could give to someone else.  This week it was my hair, and I will always look for ways to help people.   

   

March-ing

Personally, I love the season of Lent.  A lot of people get really liturgical and that makes me really happy.

 

Last year during Lent I was at the office of the Oklahoma Annual Conference.  A man from the Oklahoma Indian conference prayed in Cherokee.  I really didn’t know what he said, but at the end of that prayer he said in English, “May the Holy Spirit blow threw you bones as if they were a whistle.”  Or something like that. 

Some of you may know that several years ago I was in a very traumatic car accident.  By very traumatic I mean that everyone walked away.  Everyone except me, I was life flighted from the scene.  My femur was shattered, and walking again became my new challenge.  Every year I celebrate walking again.  However, I still have a medal rod in my femur.  The rod runs from my hip to my knee inside my femur, where people have bone marrow.

The thing about this rod, is that most of the time I cannot feel it, but I know that it is there.   However some times when it rains, or gets super cold outside or even really hot, I can feel that there is a rod in my leg.  When I feel this rod, my behavior changes ever so slightly.  Many people ask me why I am limping, or in some cases people ask why I am walking like a bear.

That rod is like the Holy Spirit.  Always present within me, and impacting my outward behavior.   What do I want my outward behavior to look like now?  I want people to see Christ’s love for them as I allow ministry to flow through me.   

This season of Lent I am hoping for the Holy Spirit to show me light, the way, and love.  I will be doing my part to stay in love with God, I pray that during this season you will be doing your part to stay in love with God.

Stand, because God Loves YOU

My heart was warmed this week when I saw pictures of the human wall, blocking a protest, created by students at a campus that is not my alma mater, but still a school that I attended and often display their logos on my clothes. 

I looked at the pictures of the snow covered streets that I so often walked in the past 3 to 4 years. On one side, a well known protesting group held signs that said, “God hates fags” another sign suggested that Mizzou is a “fag enabling” place. The other side, the streets were lined with students wearing black and gold shirts that said, “Stand with Sam”

Many people would conclude that with my moderate political views I would have just been in the median of the street not taking sides.  Not true. 

I would have stood with the students who stood with Sam.  Since I was blocking a protest I wouldn’t have had a sign, but if I did have a sign, this is what it would have said.

Just because you say that God hates something doesn’t mean that God actually hates anything.  I don’t think hate is the opposite of love, rather hate is the absence of love.  God even loves people that say God hates this or that.  Just imagine, the possibilities this world would have if everyone knew how much God loves.  And God does love, he loves you and everything you do or don’t do. 

God loves everyone, regardless of the side of the street they were on, and even though I know I would have, and did take sides, I think we would all be a little better off if we all just remembered that God Loves Us All.  

My Olympic Gold

I remember the day I was given my Olympic gold medal.  (Who wouldn’t, right?)  As long as I can remember, I have really loved the Olympic spirit. Something about the competition, and the discipline and diligence to train for an event just makes me stand in awe, not to mention the trials and patients required to win any sport.

Depending on how long you have known me, you might actually think that I have an Olympic medal.  While it is true that I do in fact have a gold medal from a World Series (2002), my Olympic gold medal, which came from saying yes to the biggest challenge of my life, is actually my blueish gray missionary name tag. 

While I hold one of the most sacred positions in the United Methodist Church, this job requires an enormous amount of humility.  My gold medal isn’t for the betterment of my sport, and didn’t come from endless hours of training.  It is not just for people who look and think like me, or have the privilege to practice a sport.  My gold medal shows that I am a servant of the Lord and that I seek to better the world for Christ.  Doing Christ’s work is my goal. 

After a full day of travel, I finally arrived at missionary training, 475 Riverside Drive.  I arrived later than everyone in my class, but when Hannah handed me my Global Ministries name tag, I felt like I had just won an Olympic gold medal.  And as for many first time medalists, this is only the beginning. 

In Celebration of My 7th Anniversary of Brain Surgery

One of my all time favorite songs starts out, “I had a dream I was by the Jordan.”  I recently had my own dream that I was by the Jordan.  Actually, I was by Bunny River, which is an overflow tributary of the water shed of the Salt River.  Named by your truly, Bunny River runs through the land where I grew up. 

In this dream, could remember everything in my life that happened before my brain surgery, but nothing in the 7 years since.  I thought about what I remembered; a time when fastpitch softball was the only thing that mattered, my awe and fascination with the projectors at my high school job at a movie theater, thinking that my 4 older siblings were the coolest and most popular and coolest kids in their grades and wanting to be just like them. 

I was overwhelmed with sadness when I realized that I could not remember the past seven years.  During my lament 2 of my childhood dogs, Gallie and Shiloh, came to comfort me. They each had one shoe from my favorite pair of tennis shoes, which I have worn for the past 3-4 years. 

In those shoes I had walked across a river near New York City, cheered on Sporting Kansas City as they headed to the top of the table, and climbed to a mountain top in California.  The shoes attended classes at the University of Missouri, played for hours with nieces and nephews and even attended the 2013 Missouri Annual Conference. And I could remember those events now. 

I could only remember events that had happened while I owned the shoes, so I had so many questions like how did I get to the University of Missouri, what led me to New York and California, and the Missouri Annual Conference.  Why was I at a soccer game standing next to some girl I didn’t recognize?  (sorry Lindsey, I will never forget you and your awesomeness)

And that is when I woke up [still] bound for the promise land.

This dream made me realize how precious the past 7 years have been.  I have lived my life to the fullest every day, even though it wasn’t always easy.  I realized how precious my college ministry was to me, after all my college ministry and Erin Medin are part of the reason I was at the Missouri Annual Conference.  With Mexico United Methodist Church as part of the reason I was in California and New York.  Truman State University is how I got to the University of Missouri.  And how can I forget Jenny Massa inviting me to the Flame Ministries where I met Lindsey who introduced me to Sporting Kansas City.

When I was 14 years old I decided that I would treat everyone I interacted with like they were the most important person in the world.  That has been a great experience. You never know when you won’t be able to see someone again, so be present, grateful and respectful around everyone you get to interact with.  Also, walk humbly with God.  Walking humbly with God will do wonders for you.   It will.

I know that lots of this post probably only makes since to me.  Something I have always been worried about losing is my memory.  I know that the part of my brain that the tumor is in controls my movements, but stillmy memory is important to me.  Just as my memories are.  It is important to me to understand how that 14 year old girl I was became the awesome person I am today.  Thank you all so much for reading my post and sending me cards and telling me what an inspiration I am, it really is your kindness that propels me.  Thank you.

I'm Going to Have a Stuffed Animal Party Today

Those of you who know me, know that I have this somewhat annoying habit of waking up in a ridiculously good mood.  A common Facebook post states that 9 out of 10 children get their awesomeness from their aunt.  In my case all 11 of my nieces and nephews are awesome, and I think it is safe to say that all of them get at least some of that awesomeness from me.  My nephew Ethan my not wake up in a good mood at the frequency that I do, but that kid is one wise dude. 

I visited home recently and on the day that I was headed to the airport to return to CA, I got the pleasure of waking him up.  I crawled up next to the five year old and whispered, “Ethie boy!”  With his eyes squeezed closed he said, “I’m gonna have a stuffed animal party today.” 

Without even fully waking up Ethan knew that the day would be a day worth hosting a party.  Every day that I wake up is a blessing and as ruff as a day might look they still are blessed days that are worth having a positive attitude about. So despite everything else, it is still a blessing to wake up every morning.     

Do What You Can

Yesterday I read an amazing book called Hitler's Daughter.  It was written by Jackie French and it made me think about some hard questions.  In the book Hitler's daughter is kept secret, and she does not know of the outside world.  When she hears that many Jewish people would rather hide or run away than go the the "work" camps, she prepares a place for the runaway Jewish people to find solitude. Hitler's daughter cleans a place and covers it with straw, she hides non perishable food items such as jams and jelly's among the straw.

In the book no Jews ever come to place the main character prepared for them, but she still did what she could.    The book was meant for young adults, but I really enjoyed it and it made me remember that even when something big and out of my control happening, I can still do something.

Often to me doing what I can means praying.  I can't solve many of the problems of the world by myself, but what I can do is pray.  It is what you can do.  In fact, it was the King says to do in that Christmas Song, "Do you Hear What I Hear?"  The king says, "Pray for peace people everywhere."  Even though you may not be able to make world peace happen, you can pray, and after all, all you can do is all you can do.

Where I see myself in the Nativity: A Wise Man

I have always wondered, what role would I have played if I had been alive at the time of birth of Jesus.  On the ninth day of Christmas, I had a light bulb come on inside my head.  Notice I didn’t have an epiphany; that was still a few days away.  I would have been a wise man.  I do have wisdom beyond my years, but what makes me similar to the wise men, is that they went to seek out a child.  The wise men traveled for days or even years to find the child, and when they did they fell prostrate and worshiped him.  The wise men were so happy to see this child. They were determined to protect this child because they knew that they had seen one special baby.  To protect the child they had to deliberately deceive their King by returning home a different way, an act which could have had a costly price.  With the price of defiance in mind, the wise men protected the child. 

The sight of a child can make me so happy that I often want fall on my knees to interact with that child.  While I was at my home church for Christmas Eve service, I saw a child and I was so happy I just wanted to hug him.  I was in the front row and after I had taken communion, I walked the length of the Church into the narthex.  That is when I saw the one year old that made my heart melt.  Then I knew exactly how the wise men felt, but it would be days before I was able to connect my feeling to the feelings of the wise men.

A little later that night, after I had blown out Brooke’s candle, I had the pleasure of meeting Flint.  He is a 4 month old, born on the day I was commissioned as a missionary for the United Methodist Church.  When our eyes met for the very first time he smiled really big, because he knew that something special was happening. 

I know that my gifts are with children, and when using those gifts Christ flows through me to children and their families.